I have a new temp job at ABC (across the street from the Disney lot) and our view out of these glorious windows is the grand Forest Lawn Cemetery. This is one of the classier cemeteries in LA. (And for some reason, I never remember how to spell cemetery, thank goodness for spell check.) Hollywood Forever Cemetery is the polar opposite of Forest Lawn. It's fabulous and ridiculous at the same time. Which I love. I mean, just the name! It's so "LA". Stay in Hollywood FOREVER baby! We know you love it here.
So once in awhile, I will look out the window of ABC and see the lineup of people dressed in black on the beautiful green lawn. One time I even saw what looked like a party, with balloons and everything. To digress for a moment, I personally don't understand why people feel they need to have a gathering at a burial plot in order to celebrate anything having to do with the person who has passed on. If I want to remember someone, I can have a party at my house, where my crossed-over friend will be more likely to be hanging out anyway.
Moving on... so I was thinking… a lot of people like to plan their weddings in advance (ok, so just women do that), but how many of you have your funeral planned out in advance? Of course, I HAVE! I mean, hello! Party-planning is one of my favorite things, so it goes without saying that I have planned this out. So here's what I've come up with:
When said time does occur, hopefully MANY years from now…
*My funeral PARTY will be a bigger bash than I could ever throw myself.
*Everyone and their mother is invited.
*Noone will step foot in a cemetery. I am not being buried in some lawn anyway. Those smart medical people can take whatever they can use and then I want to be burned up. Give me a few days, of course. Give me a chance to actually figure out that I'm dead and move on towards the light, you know? THEN into the fire. =) I will pick some fabulous place for the ashes to be… like off the coast of Belize or Hawaii.
*No black attire allowed! Very important. Black is depressing at a funeral. I want people in the craziest outfits ever.
*Lots of food and music. And ALCOHOL. Wide open bar. Just don't be drinking yourself into joining me.
*I even found a theme cocktail for the night:
ABSOLUT HEAVEN
3 parts Absolut Mandrin
1 part Lime Juice
1 part Orange Soda
5 parts Red Food Coloring
Garnish: Cherry, Cocktail Umbrella, Lime, Maraschino Berry
Doesn't that drink sound so amazingly delicious!! Perfect!
*Limos to pick up everyone….no drunk-driving on my watch.
*DJ and live band. And don't forget to give a chance to all my musically-inclined friends to jam their hearts out.
*Gift bags. How fun! It would be like Oprah…A few of my favorite things.
*Maybe I will even have giveaways of some of my stuff since I don't need it anymore! Whatever's not on my Will can be up for raffle. Then donate all the money to charity.
*I am pre-paying for everything. Why should my family be responsible for the costs of my death?
*This is a celebration of life!
*It will be one heck of a party. I will be sure to be there…
