No black, please

I have a new temp job at ABC (across the street from the Disney lot) and our view out of these glorious windows is the grand Forest Lawn Cemetery. This is one of the classier cemeteries in LA. (And for some reason, I never remember how to spell cemetery, thank goodness for spell check.) Hollywood Forever Cemetery is the polar opposite of Forest Lawn. It's fabulous and ridiculous at the same time. Which I love. I mean, just the name! It's so "LA". Stay in Hollywood FOREVER baby! We know you love it here.

So once in awhile, I will look out the window of ABC and see the lineup of people dressed in black on the beautiful green lawn. One time I even saw what looked like a party, with balloons and everything. To digress for a moment, I personally don't understand why people feel they need to have a gathering at a burial plot in order to celebrate anything having to do with the person who has passed on. If I want to remember someone, I can have a party at my house, where my crossed-over friend will be more likely to be hanging out anyway.

Moving on... so I was thinking… a lot of people like to plan their weddings in advance (ok, so just women do that), but how many of you have your funeral planned out in advance? Of course, I HAVE! I mean, hello! Party-planning is one of my favorite things, so it goes without saying that I have planned this out. So here's what I've come up with:

When said time does occur, hopefully MANY years from now…

*My funeral PARTY will be a bigger bash than I could ever throw myself.

*Everyone and their mother is invited.

*Noone will step foot in a cemetery. I am not being buried in some lawn anyway. Those smart medical people can take whatever they can use and then I want to be burned up. Give me a few days, of course. Give me a chance to actually figure out that I'm dead and move on towards the light, you know? THEN into the fire. =) I will pick some fabulous place for the ashes to be… like off the coast of Belize or Hawaii.

*No black attire allowed! Very important. Black is depressing at a funeral. I want people in the craziest outfits ever.

*Lots of food and music. And ALCOHOL. Wide open bar. Just don't be drinking yourself into joining me.

*I even found a theme cocktail for the night:
ABSOLUT HEAVEN
3 parts Absolut Mandrin
1 part Lime Juice
1 part Orange Soda
5 parts Red Food Coloring
Garnish: Cherry, Cocktail Umbrella, Lime, Maraschino Berry

Doesn't that drink sound so amazingly delicious!! Perfect!

*Limos to pick up everyone….no drunk-driving on my watch.

*DJ and live band. And don't forget to give a chance to all my musically-inclined friends to jam their hearts out.

*Gift bags. How fun! It would be like Oprah…A few of my favorite things.

*Maybe I will even have giveaways of some of my stuff since I don't need it anymore! Whatever's not on my Will can be up for raffle. Then donate all the money to charity.

*I am pre-paying for everything. Why should my family be responsible for the costs of my death?

*This is a celebration of life!

*It will be one heck of a party. I will be sure to be there…

Exclusive Cloverfield Clip

as if i wasn't hooked before.....

Retarded Policeman

Here is Ponce's latest video! It's his best one yet.
Please watch. I love you. =)

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Mediocre Films
Hey friends,
For those of you who have been screaming for a good ol' fashioned DUMB Mediocre Film, we present to you... RETARDED POLICEMAN!!!
http://www.youtube.com/MediocreFilms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yioJQFrqMXM

We'll post Episode 2 next week (Thursday), and Episode 3 the following Thursday. So please SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel, and it would be AWESOME if you RATE and COMMENT on the video!

Thanks everybody!
Greg

Click here to see it:
RETARDED POLICEMAN

Rules of Engagement at the Valley Film Festival

hey y'all,
My short film Rules of Engagement is at the Valley Film Festival this friday!
http://www.valleyfilmfest.com/2007/films/rulesofengagement.jsp

My film is in the 5:30p comedy shorts friday screening. You can get $10 tix at the door or from the valley film festival website.

of course we will be cocktailing afterwards, cuz that's how I do...

luvs,
valerie

Rules of Engagement
Premiering at the El Portal Theater
5269 Lankershim Boulevard
NoHo, California 91601
Friday, September 14th
5:30 pm

Last free seminar with the Book

Actors!

My acting coach, Stephen Book, has one last free seminar on Sunday, Sept 9th. Call him or go online to sign up: 323-461-4263 or www.stephenbook.com. And let him know that Valerie Querns referred you.

His class is a different approach to acting than anything else I've learned and the seminar will explain more. Even if you aren't considering an acting class right now, at least go to the free seminar so you can keep your options open for the right class for you. =)

Dismissed!

www.ticketassassin.com! Simply amazing. I just beat a red-light photo ticket, saving me $380 cuz i followed the instructions on the site. It's $25 to register on the site and it gives you plenty of options for beating all kinds of traffic tickets. Saved my life! That is a lot of money that my Mother is happy to have back! =)

sloganize me

so you know how much i love the slogan generator:
http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan
my favorite being "Get your Quernz on"

this site rocks.
http://thesurrealist.co.uk/

just saw that they have a movie quote generator:
http://thesurrealist.co.uk/movie
this is what it came up with:
"I am serious... and don't call me quernzy."
"I ate his quernz with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

ha!

"Firsts" as an Actor

You know what's cool about being an actor in LA? There are a lot of "Firsts".
-the first phone call that i booked my first short film.
-my first close-up doing extra work.
-getting my first call-sheet with my name on it.
-the first time a cast and crew applauded when i was wrapped for a shoot. (now that was COOL!) not something that's a big deal for the cast and the crew, because it's done on almost every shoot, but when it's a "first" for me, it's fun.
-my first poster for a short film. (hello?! i'm on the poster!)
-my first date with a celebrity (no it was NOT just one date and no, don't even ask me to elaborate. not spilling the goods on that one!)
-my first awards show
-my first commercial
-one of my shorts in my first film festival - next month!


"firsts" i am currently working on:
-my first role in a feature film - soon! jessie love is working on
that one!
-my first speaking role on tv - in just a couple weeks!
-my first agent - shooting for this by the end of the year. if anyone wants to recommend me to a nice fun agent, i would be forever grateful! =)
-my first National commercial

ohhh goals are fun! did you know if you write them down, they happen faster? true! yet another reason why blogging is fun....