Exclusive Cloverfield Clip

as if i wasn't hooked before.....

Retarded Policeman

Here is Ponce's latest video! It's his best one yet.
Please watch. I love you. =)

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Mediocre Films
Hey friends,
For those of you who have been screaming for a good ol' fashioned DUMB Mediocre Film, we present to you... RETARDED POLICEMAN!!!
http://www.youtube.com/MediocreFilms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yioJQFrqMXM

We'll post Episode 2 next week (Thursday), and Episode 3 the following Thursday. So please SUBSCRIBE to our YouTube channel, and it would be AWESOME if you RATE and COMMENT on the video!

Thanks everybody!
Greg

Click here to see it:
RETARDED POLICEMAN

Rules of Engagement at the Valley Film Festival

hey y'all,
My short film Rules of Engagement is at the Valley Film Festival this friday!
http://www.valleyfilmfest.com/2007/films/rulesofengagement.jsp

My film is in the 5:30p comedy shorts friday screening. You can get $10 tix at the door or from the valley film festival website.

of course we will be cocktailing afterwards, cuz that's how I do...

luvs,
valerie

Rules of Engagement
Premiering at the El Portal Theater
5269 Lankershim Boulevard
NoHo, California 91601
Friday, September 14th
5:30 pm

Last free seminar with the Book

Actors!

My acting coach, Stephen Book, has one last free seminar on Sunday, Sept 9th. Call him or go online to sign up: 323-461-4263 or www.stephenbook.com. And let him know that Valerie Querns referred you.

His class is a different approach to acting than anything else I've learned and the seminar will explain more. Even if you aren't considering an acting class right now, at least go to the free seminar so you can keep your options open for the right class for you. =)

Dismissed!

www.ticketassassin.com! Simply amazing. I just beat a red-light photo ticket, saving me $380 cuz i followed the instructions on the site. It's $25 to register on the site and it gives you plenty of options for beating all kinds of traffic tickets. Saved my life! That is a lot of money that my Mother is happy to have back! =)

sloganize me

so you know how much i love the slogan generator:
http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan
my favorite being "Get your Quernz on"

this site rocks.
http://thesurrealist.co.uk/

just saw that they have a movie quote generator:
http://thesurrealist.co.uk/movie
this is what it came up with:
"I am serious... and don't call me quernzy."
"I ate his quernz with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

ha!

"Firsts" as an Actor

You know what's cool about being an actor in LA? There are a lot of "Firsts".
-the first phone call that i booked my first short film.
-my first close-up doing extra work.
-getting my first call-sheet with my name on it.
-the first time a cast and crew applauded when i was wrapped for a shoot. (now that was COOL!) not something that's a big deal for the cast and the crew, because it's done on almost every shoot, but when it's a "first" for me, it's fun.
-my first poster for a short film. (hello?! i'm on the poster!)
-my first date with a celebrity (no it was NOT just one date and no, don't even ask me to elaborate. not spilling the goods on that one!)
-my first awards show
-my first commercial
-one of my shorts in my first film festival - next month!


"firsts" i am currently working on:
-my first role in a feature film - soon! jessie love is working on
that one!
-my first speaking role on tv - in just a couple weeks!
-my first agent - shooting for this by the end of the year. if anyone wants to recommend me to a nice fun agent, i would be forever grateful! =)
-my first National commercial

ohhh goals are fun! did you know if you write them down, they happen faster? true! yet another reason why blogging is fun....

Randoms

random stuff

I was thinking earlier that joy is... when your car insurance goes DOWN, then i realized that my rent went UP. So no real revelation there. But still, balance is good.


I love when i SCORE at Payless and that score is my new favorite pair of shoes.


I will post a Quernzy Review of the upcoming ABC fall pilots soon. I just have to watch 2 more. Be prepared for a kickass primetime season. I just may splurge on the DVR box for this fall. (yes! for me, it's a splurge. but well worth it. and it's a business expense anyway ha!)


These are not my words, but they are smart:
*Fear is misdirected interest. One can be more interested in applying that energy to accomplishing something than directing that energy into fear.
*If you want a BIG miracle, you must change your SMALL way of thinking.


small reminder: Fuel TV this friday 10:30pm.


Life is soooo good.

Free Acting Seminar in LA

Just passing on the info that my acting coach, Stephen Book, is having a free seminar if you have any interest in the application of improvisation to memorized script acting instead of sketch comedy improvs. He only does these free seminars every couple of years.

The seminars are on July 22 and August 5. For more info and to register for the seminar, go to his website: http://www.stephenbook.com. He has a couple books too. you can find that info on the website also.

that's all for now...

luv,
Val

MC Outdoorz tonite!

10.30pm. Fuel TV. Set your tivo. The show is called Stupidface and my friend Scott's segment is MC Outdoorz. And it rocks. And you will see Josh "the Ponceman" Perry's tv debut as DJ Ponce.

Weekends Rock

oh they do.

Mine started with some girl time on friday with Jessica, lingerie and cocktails. no! not what you think! Frederick's of Hollywood is doing these friday nite cocktails and underwear events w/ a dj. Great business sense i think. But apparently anyone can tote the "energy drink" claim now. The 'Rehab' energy drink mixed with this Pink Vodka that "claims" to have caffeine and guarana was a total sham. It didn't keep me up very long. you would think after 3 yummy martinis i would be up all nite! uhhhh no.

Saturday with the Perry family and friends in town from louisiana at the cemetery screening of Roman Holiday. Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. Fun movie! Then later to the Dresden.

Sunday karaoke turned into a Perry-oke nite at the Drawing Room. Once again the bar has to KICK us out at the end of the night. And i'm sure the gang stayed up long after i left. Who else could PACK a bar on a sunday nite till 2am? Only the DR.


Weekend All Star report:
*3 martinis
*Picnic cocktails w/ a bunch of dead people
*1 karaoke cocktail + very strong allergy medicine = fun loopiness (or as some people would point out, not much difference) :))
*Seeing Ponce sing Sweet Transvestite: priceless

Life is good.

What's Funny?

just thinking about the science of "funny".

when someone owns a robot costume and they want to make use of it, so they write a comedy sketch ABOUT the robot = that's funny.

But! when someone owns a HORSEHEAD and just throws it into a comedy sketch that has nothing to do with a horsehead, but introduces the character as Mr Horsehead = that's not funny.

But! (the science of funny is so specific) if you had a comedy sketch that had nothing to do with a horsehead, but had a horsehead character in it, and went along with the comedy sketch like Mr. Horsey was completely NORMAL = that has potential to be pretty effin' funny.

maybe i am making no sense, but what makes no sense to me is why people think some of the comedy shorts on youtube really are funny!

that's all for now.

Ratatouille

Ratatouille!

It was so good! I'm trying to figure out how to spell the exclamation i want to express. Ack! Arggh! Woohoo! I'm not sure. but go see it. It's so funny. There's a joke towards the end that has one of the best payoffs ever in a disney movie. And the artwork is amazing. I mean really amazing. Yay!

ok that's all.

A Little Psychic Love

Hey,
Just a little plug for my friend Belinda.... she is a psychic extraordinaire! She did a great reading for me recently. Has some specials going on right now.

Check out her website:
www.belindabentley.com
And she's on myspace.

Tell her Valerie sent you!

~Quernzy

More Quernz Viewing

The first episode of Scott Allen Perry's Video Podcast from Hell
Enjoy!

Sugar on Youtube!

Check out my Sugar!

Enchanted

THIS is the kind of movie i would sooooo love to do. Yes it may be a cheesy romantic comedy. But it's about a princess that gets lost in present-day new york city. HA! that's the best! And the part where she bursts into song to Patrick Dempsey and he's like "Uh no, don't sing..."... Priceless!
I need to be in this sequel.



Enchanted

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Reality Sets In

An insight to a Casting Director's daily life is very eye-opening. For those of you (including me) that submit yourself on the "Big 3" (meaning LACasting, Nowcasting and AAccess) for acting projects..... check out these numbers:

One week after the breakdown for Bonnie's SAG Feature is released, the grand total of submissions is:
10,910!

Of that number, guess how many submitted for the same part as I did?
2,980!
And that number just happens to be the largest number of submissions of any role on the project.

Wow.
And the reality is.....I could use a frickin agent!

ASDT News - Newest Member

I would like to welcome the second member of the All Star Drinking Team LA Chapter... Jessica Rose! Our induction ceremony is tonite with 5 hours of free cocktails and drunken shopping at the Girl's Nite Out Shecky's Party.

What's great about Jessica is that she already has a built-in Golden Girl name - Rose! Even though her fav GG is Blanche and there is evidence of her GG love in her photo section on myspace. There are pictures of her with her idol Rue (kinda scary looking Rue) from saucy Rue's book-signing of "My First Five Husbands... And the Ones Who Got Away." Ahhh Rue. I can't wait till I am able to write about my first five husbands....

Jessica never disappoints in ASDT meetings. In true Modern Drunkard style, she immediately finds a bartender and overtips them on our first drink order, so that he makes us a DOUBLE on the next. Classic.

and my favorite so far.... a text exchange from our ASDT meeting last week:
JR: just parked, are you here?
VQ: parking now.
JR: good, cuz I hate drinking alone.

yes....Rose was gonna drink, whether i had arrived or not. Class is so sexy!

Oh Rose! You bring the Jack, I've got the Ensure chasers!

Choose Your Own Adventure

Remember these books? I read a million of them when I was a kid. I loved that I had a choice in where the story went. But at the end, I always went back to that first choice and started over with a different adventure. Same book! Different adventure. I wanted to experience all of them.

Find the adventure in everything you do. It's nice to be reminded of that... like I was last week. Because it's up to ME to create my own happiness. Noone else. Sure there's a lot of crap in my way. But I can't blame the CRAP for being in my way of where I want to be. (ok yeah, i complain a little bit!) I blame myself for not being strong enough to fight the crap. To work with the crap. To actually change the way I look at all the crap, so that the crap would THEN change and possibly cease to be....crap. I'm the one that needs to make those changes, the crap is always going to be there.

I know that my adventures are dependent on the choices I make and I stand by them. If something turns out to be a mistake, I learn from it and move on. End of story. .....on to the next adventure.

Friday the 13th

In honor of friday the 13th, here are some fun facts.

I think superstitions are kinda funny. Mostly a load of crap, but it's funny to see what some people do "just in case," like throwing salt over your shoulder, not walking under ladders, knocking on wood. But then again, I do believe in a whole new set of "superstitions" called Feng Shui. Like I will never keep dried flowers in my house. I tie a red ribbon around the bottom of the toilet. I don't store things behind a door so that it can't open all the way. I don't keep broken dishes. And I won't live in a house w/ a spiral staircase. ... So maybe i'm just as weird....


FRIDAY THE 13TH FACTS...

DID YOU KNOW !?!??
*According to Smithsonian Magazine "fear of the #13 costs American a billion dollars per year in absenteeism, train and plane cancellations, and reduced commerce on the 13th of the month."

*Fear of Friday the 13th dates back to Nordic Mythology. Many of their thirteenth Gods met with violent deaths, such as Loki, the trickster.

*Ancient Romans regarded the number 13 as a symbol of death, destruction and misfortune.

*There were 13 original colonies.

*A witches coven consists of 13 members.

*Tarot Card number 13 is the Death Card, depicting the Grim Reaper (although it is read as transition or change and not literal death).

*Hotels rarely have a room number 13. Usually it is called 12a or 14. Same with floors of buildings and the elevators without a #13 button. Highways sometimes will skip exit 13 altogether also.

*There are 13 steps leading to the gallows.

*13 knots in a hangman's noose.

*13 feet which the guillotine blade falls.

*The driver of Princess Diana hit pillar #13 at Place de l'Alma when she was killed in Paris, France.

*13 people, Christ and his 12 disciples, were in attendance at the last supper. This is where the Christian belief ties in, making Friday a believed unlucky day, as the crucifixion occurred on a Friday.

*Certain ocean liners will be held in dock until after midnight to appease passenger's fears on Friday the 13th.

*British study concluded that even though there were less cars on the road on Friday the 13th (as compared with other Fridays) more accidents were reported.

*Trisadekaphobia is the technical name for fear of Friday the 13th.

*Apollo 13, 1970, the 13th mission launched from pad #39 (13 x 3), mission was aborted, after an explosion occurred in the fuel cell of their service module. The rocket had left launching pad at 13:13 CST and the date was April 13th.

*The US Seal has 13 stars, bars, feathers in the eagle's tail, 13 bars in one claw, 13 olive branches in the other.

*A baker's dozen consists of 13 for a reason! So the story goes a witch near Albany, NY demanded 13 items every time she came in to a particular bakery, and one day the old baker could not afford her extra biscuit. She sneered some strange words at the man, and he suffered terrible luck from then on, until he brought her another 13 rolls. After that life was once again easy for the baker and word spread around town. The custom is still sometimes practiced today.

'On The Lot' Favorites

I've compiled a list of some of my favorite movies that I've seen 'On The Lot' if you want to check them out. There are a lot of short films uploaded on the site and it is time-consuming to get thru all the bad ones. So here are my favorites so far, they are only 5 mins each:

stuff'd
http://films.thelot.com/films/8840

hit-man wanted (must have own gun)
http://films.thelot.com/films/18001

killer xmas
http://films.thelot.com/films/28433

beans on wheels
http://films.thelot.com/films/29135

penumbra
http://films.thelot.com/films/2080

backjumping
http://films.thelot.com/films/14708

so today
http://films.thelot.com/films/16071

and of course....
Sugar
http://films.thelot.com/films/31550

The Pop of King

Stephen King is my new hero.

For anyone who does not get Entertainment Weekly....his almost-weekly column on the last page is the best part of the magazine. Here's his latest article and genius idea on adding a Department of Fun to the US Government. He is my hero.

All In Good Fun by Stephen King

Stephen King lobbies for a U.S. Department of Fun

Sugar Reviews

Girls are made of sugar and spice... unless they have roommates who drive them crazy... oh, and lots of emotional baggage and such.

Sugar
http://films.thelot.com/films/31550

Sugar Reviews:
Witty dialouge, sharp performances, interesting editing, and fun camera angles.

"Three's Company" on the rocks ;)

great movie! Great direction! I loved the quick pacing, and edits, FLASHBACKS, and, especially -- great performances from all your actors.

SUGARSOMELY SWEET!!!

Very quirky sense of optimism with a slam of reality at the end. Loved the humor and loved the pace.

You had me at "retarded puppy"

Great music, and some of the best acting on here.

Great sense of story telling, and you got three fantastic actors, which is so important. Awesome sense of timing.

This so BLEEPin rules! It's like gumbo but better.

There's some nice funny spots in Sugar; oddly enough most of them involve another language: the Spanish phone conversation and Katie's boyfriend flashback scene.

You sure know how to sap it.

Really good movie... I mean really good BLEEPin movie.

Fun.... On The Lot

The website has been a lot of fun. Watching movies, emailing actors and filmakers. Fun fun.

Yeah there's a lot of crap too, like those filmakers that create fake profiles and post 2 pages of *obviously* fake reviews. And then there are those filmakers that post reviews on other film sites with 1 star saying something rude and unecessary. I honestly never post anything that I didn't like about a film. What's the point? That's my opinion, but I'm not an expert by far. And if it was an artistic choice, it's not my place to say it was "wrong" or "what I would have done..." blah blah.

But overall, so many people on here are supportive and friendly. That rocks! In the end, that's what is going to take you far in your success....being supportive and jealous-free and encouraging to others. It only shows the Universe what you are striving for in your own life. If you don't get on this show, it's not the end of the world. Just being on this site, with the chance to be seen by everyone is cool.

Find your audience! That's the goal. If you have 1,000 views, that's awesome! That's 1,000 people that would see your movie if you made another one. If you 10,000 views, but you don't get on the show, whatever! 10,000 people will watch your movie when you make another one. I think that's major.

...anyway....just some quernzy thoughts for today.

Sugar....On The Lot

I acted in a (very) short, but sweet film “Sugar” that is now up on the The Lot website – for Steven Spielberg’s reality show… http://www.thelot.com/. It's basically American Idol for filmmakers.

The director is a good friend of mine and I believe he rocks the film world in a huge rockin’ way. So please take a few minutes to go to the website and watch the film. The more views the better. And for icing on the cake, sign up and add a rating and comment on this little bit of “Sugar” coming your way.

If you want to check out more of Scott’s movies, go to: www.myspace.com/thesap.

*****************************************

“Sugar”
By Scott Allen Perry

Girls are made of sugar and spice... unless they have roommates who drive them crazy... oh, and lots of emotional baggage and such.

So stop reading already and watch it:
http://films.thelot.com/films/31550


On The LotFrom Mark Burnett, Steven Spielberg and DreamWorks Television , ON THE LOT affords aspiring filmmakers the opportunity of a lifetime: a $1-million DreamWorks development deal. Over the season, the 16 filmmakers will produce short films in every genre every week and the viewers will vote on who gets eliminated. The show will premiere with a one-hour auditions episode on Wednesday, May 16.

********************************************

Scott Allen Perry's Video Podcast From Hell

Podcast for Non-Ituners

If you're dying to see the Podcast but you don't have Itunes....what do you do?

Click on the link, Loves. Follow the instructions. Ahhh the magic of the internet.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheOutdoorsmen

I'm in Episode 1.
And stay tuned for more Quernzy's Corner in upcoming episodes.

Happy Valerie-tine's Day!

Ok, I think Valentine's Day is a ridiculous holiday. So I was searching online for some history of this holiday to see what it really means. There must be some deeper meaning to this over-commercialized stupidness of chocolate.

Noone even knows! it's all a mish-mash of legends. Something about marriage being banned, but this Valentine dude was holding secret ceremonies to keep the love together. Or the birthday of the guy who sent the first valentine. Whatever.

Anyway, I'm celebrating love. I have allowed the word back into my vocabulary because I have created for myself an updated definition of love. And just because I am single, doesn't mean I have to celebrate 'Singles Awareness Day'.

So in honor of Valentine's day, here are some pretty things that other people said:
Life is a song. Love is the music.

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

Love? I would rather fall in chocolate. or rather.......
Love? I would rather fall in Quernz.

Love is a battlefield.

The Secret

I'm hooked! Just ordered my copy. They were on oprah yesterday. Everyone and their mother needs to check this out.

www.thesecret.tv

Energy flow is where attention goes.

True forgiveness is being able to say "Thank you for giving me this experience".